The Dandelions

.. the mutual admiration and bashing society.

Malaysia, the land of impossible possibilities!

Posted by Foodie on July 24, 2008

For my first blog post. I would like to write a little something dedicated to our beautiful prosperous country Malaysia which I’m so proud to call home. I love this country and I cannot imagine anywhere else I’d rather be at this moment. For those who know little about this Shangrila of a paradise…

blessed with natural resources and free from natural disasters..

This is the place where ‘Truly Asia’ exists. Where people of all races come and live in this melting pot of perfect harmony. Where everyone is treated equal and by equal we mean we do not question the rights.

Pay your taxes and shut the hell up. You should be lucky we took you in.

We are proud to have the most effecient, transparent and clean government ever to exist. These people are slaving their backsides off for the better of our country. Surviving on only 5 hours of sleep a day. You can evidently see this as they ever so often doze off to dreamland whilst in Parliament. This doesn’t mean they are lazy, no they have been overworked.

Do you not see the beauty of being a Malaysian? The beauty is that the larger population of Malaysia is full of trust. We are a trusting nation. We have faith. You do not question faith. As religion has taught you. You do as you are told and leave it in the hands of God (so to speak) and our government and everything will be all right.

A developing third world like us can manage to send one of our very own best Malaysian citizen (a genius of sorts he seems, not only is he a model but a doctor) into space orbit. No, he wasn’t merely a passenger. He provided much eye candy entertainment during the space flight. Let’s be honest, we’d rather have someone easy on the eye than say Frankenstein right? Malaysian government always thinks ahead of the rest.

Malaysia stood in first place for having the tallest buildings from 1998 – 2004, the Petronas Twin Towers! Without these two phallic looking structures, who would’ve known Malaysia even existed? So of course, it was rightly justified to be built! Forget education, better healthcare, hospitals, police personell…

While I’m on the topic of all things that symbolise Malaysia, here’s another one that will surely make us proud! Who needs a hard, heavy and sturdy european made car when we have our very own national car, Proton. Soft it may be but it has its advantages. Thank god for the ingeniouty of our engineers it is mostly constructed from recycled Milo/Ovaltine tin cans. So soft, you can fold it up and keep it in your handbag. You don’t have to worry about parking and people stealing it. It’s that handy! Safety standards? It may not pass the European car safety standards, but HELLO, we’re not driving this car in the EU are we? As long as it passes the Malaysian safety standards, we’ll be fine. Malaysian made cars are for Malaysia roads. Plus, it’s HALAL…

I understand there have been several grouses re our government’s handling of the oil price hike and general inflation of 20-30%. Let me explain why this had to happen. Our governement has fore sight and knew they had to do this to counter the emerging problems related specifically to; environmental pollution, massive traffic jams and to make the other countries feel good about themselves. Otherwise they mayl feel threatened by us due to the fact that we are progressing at such a fast pace economically speaking. This tactic is stated in the teachings of Sun Tzu’s Art Of War.

Do not show off your dumplings to your friend at the dinner table or he will come back and steal it when you lay alseep.

The petrol hike also had to happen to prevent the Mat Rempits from roaming the streets at night. No one saw this but this was yet another smart move by the government to counter our safety issues of late. I’m sure those Mat Rempits will think twice now when they decide to go out and pump a full tank of petrol to harass and rob people?! Previously they could afford a full tank to roam the whole of Klang Valley. Now they can only afford enough gas to get them TO Klang Valley but not back home! What a brilliant idea. The list goes on and I don’t have the time to write it all up for you. I have to ride my bicycle to Shah Alam later this evening to collect free water from a friend who has been promised free water for eternity.

As for the murder of the Mongolian hooker cum model by a high profile someone in the government…she really deserved what she got. In fact if you asked me, those involved were too kind on her. She should have died a slow and painful death. They should have tied all four limbs to four separate horses and cracked the whip…but where can we find horses in the dead of the night?! C4s are obviously much easier to get your hands on!

We Indeed Need Be Proud. I shall sign off now….I forgot to take my medication this morning and they had to keep me in the padded cell again. Thank god I’m so flexible and blessed with agile limbs, I managed to type with my toes (as both arms are strapped in a straight jacket) on the laptop I stole from one of the wardens. Oh wait, they are letting me out into the garden for a walk now. Yay.

8 Responses to “Malaysia, the land of impossible possibilities!”

  1. saggiethewarrior said

    Very deep Miss Jolie..very deep indeed…Its been a long time since I visited you in your cell..

  2. barbie said

    you are still writing from the cell miss jolie? how’s the guard treating you?

  3. Madame said

    LMAO….too true!!!!

  4. erniejean said

    Sun Tzu’s Art Of War…or a fool’s blunder….or an imbecile’s inability to crack the economical codes…..

  5. Relax said

    Haha…. those things are very entertaining, but at the expense of the rakyat.

  6. ella-mae said

    i think this one belongs in the Visit Malaysia Tourism brochure. very apt description ;;)

  7. Quid pro quo strategist said

    Aiyah, for safety reasons, metal sheets covering the car must not be hard but ‘soft’ to absorb impact of collision if any. not because they intend to soften up the shell of the car on purpose. anyway that is besides the point, proton is just a white elephant

  8. missjolie said

    Quid Pro Quo, are you sure about this? European cars are famous for being heavy because of the weight of the steel. I think you are referring to the bumper here which needs to absorb the impact of a collision. If the shell is soft, it will cave in and for european cars they don’t cave as easily because it is made of sturdy shell, which doesn’t collapse as easily to say a japanese made car. It doesn’t make sense to have a car which has a soft shell so it absorbs the impact of collision. Correct me if I’m wrong but it’s the bumper’s job to absorb impact and shell to remain in shape.

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