The Dandelions

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Archive for August, 2008

Another Seventeen More!

Posted by Foodie on August 31, 2008

Here’s something hilarious I received from a male friend recently I felt worthy of posting. It’s from the male’s perspective by the way. Considering how the spirit of Merdeka Day is in the doldrums , I’d like to spruce things up a bit in here 🙂 Enjoy, have a great laugh and a great Merdeka too (if you can) ;P

** Some of the jokes are a bit crude and may offend certain prudish parties. Apologies in advance if anyone is offended in the process. 😛 **

1. When I was born, I was given a choice – A big dick or a good memory.
I don’t remember, what I chose.

2. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.

3. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects.

4. Impotence: Nature’s way of saying ‘No hard feelings…’

5. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men –
‘don’t’ and ‘stop’, unless they are used together.

6. Panties: Not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on
earth.

7. There are three stages of sex in a man’s life: Tri Weekly, Try
Weekly, and Try Weakly.

8. Virginity can be cured.

9. Virginity is not dignity, its lack of opportunity.

10. Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good
partner, you’d better have a good hand.
;
11. I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dialer were too small.

12. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.

13. Q: What’s an Australian kiss?
A: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under.

14. A couple just married were happy with the ‘whole thing’. He was happy
with the ‘Hole’ and she was happy with the ‘Thing’……

15. Q: What are the three biggest tragedies in a man’s life?
A: Life sucks, job sucks, and the wife doesn’t.

16. Q: Why do men f ind it difficult to make eye contact?
A: Breasts don’t have eyes.

17. Despite the old saying, ‘Don’t take your troubles to bed’, many men
still sleep with their wives!!

Posted in Meaningless, miss jolie, sex, Uncategorized | Tagged: , , , | 4 Comments »

The Merdeka Flag (A short story in conjunction with the Merdeka celebration)

Posted by Oscar the Grouch on August 31, 2008

This short story is written by The Construction Lawyer.

An exasperated Helen Chong manoeuvres her way out of the maddening crowd. Petaling Street was not what it used to be, she thinks to herself; apart from the jostling throng of people. The volatile weather condition, relatively clear about half-an hour ago, has its sunny skyline replaced with dark bellowing clouds. The strong breezy wind made its way towards Helen, as she hastens her footsteps. She has, on one hand, her oversized LV handbag; and on the other, a huge plastic bag; in it, container bags of fried pork.

She has just purchased the fried pork from the famous shop in Petaling Street – it is the place to get Chinese fried pork, especially if it is meant to be a cuisine gift for important clients. Helen Chong is a real estate negotiator, specializing in high-end office blocks. She has been in this industry for the past 15 years, making her one of the leading agents within the Klang Valley vicinity. It will be one of her corporate clients that she will be graciously offering the boxes of fried pork to.

Helen curses herself as a she feels the little droplets from the slight drizzle on her head. As it is, she is already late to fetch her daughter from school. Lavinia is 8, and is in Standard 2. At Helen’s insistence, Lavinia is enrolled in a private Chinese school – her one and only precious daughter will not be registered in a public school. Money is no objections; Lavinia must be educated exclusively in her mother-tongue. Helen will definitely be late, by which time Lavinia would have been waiting for some time. The thought of kidnappers taking captive of her offspring went through Helen’s mind. It is so rampant these days, in this country, thinks Helen to herself.

As she darts across the road, her mobile phone lets out a boisterous deafening ring. It is her husband, but Helen has not the luxury of time to answer his call, despite knowing that he is making the call from Shanghai. She knows that it is one of his daily buzz, just to report on his well-being, and to catch up on any newsworthy event out of the ordinary. She can always call on him at his hotel later. She knows her husband’s dreary routine – work, go back to the hotel and watch CNN. In any event, her husband would be flying back in two days time. His business in China has been moving along well, the trips there have now been a familiar fixture in their marriage routine, she misses him not now.

Despite the good income provided by her husband’s trading enterprise, coupled by her immoderate sales commissions, both Helen and her husband are still intent to migrate. Their documents are already in process, so says their immigration lawyers. If all goes well, an affirmative reply will be forthcoming in a few months. Helen has been toying with the choice of relocating to either Melbourne or Sydney – that is where most of her relatives and friends are, anyway. Helen has wanted to move away ever since Lavinia was born. Her self-assurance in the country is wanting – education, healthcare, quality of life, the hot weather, bribery and recently, the increase in urban crime rates. Helen wants the best for her daughter, and she fervently believes the unsurpassed offer lies across the seas.

Helen looks at the time, it shows 6.45 pm. The sky, already dark, and the drizzle begin to convert to a downpour. Unfortunately and untimely, she was unable to find a parking spot earlier on, and had to resort to putting her car in a far-flung car park. Helen is tired and hungry; the thought of walking in the rain disgusted her, when, almost immediately, she sees an alley. It would be a convenient short-cut to the car, she entices herself. Without even a brief consideration, she proceeds into the alley lane; her rush makes her somewhat oblivious to the lurking dangers of the dark unlit walkway.

The dim passageway is not the back lane of the shops, as initially thought by Helen. It is actually a pathway pavement to the little marketplace. Being a day market for the convenience of the locals there, the place is now gloomy and empty, apart from a few loitering vagrants, which added to the shadowy sinister atmosphere of the location. The stench is somewhat unbearable; it is a potpourri of pong of the slaughtered animals from the butchers, causing Helen to feel nauseatingly queasy. Seeing the light from the end of the market-alley cheered Helen.

As she reaches the last stall, a man jumps out on her, with a large butcher’s knife. Helen breaks out in a piercing scream. The robber points the razor-sharp knife at her, giving it a slight sway back and forth, indicating the macabre end if the mugging does not end in his favour. Helen is shaking all over, breaks of cold-sweat appears on her forehead. The robber directs to her costly-looking LV handbag. Helen quickly gives the bag to him, her hands trembling uncontrollably as she passes the purse to her assailant. As the bandit rummages through the bag, Helen notices that the man is a foreigner, judging by his physical looks; and young, perhaps no more over 25. Then Helen sees a passerby, a Chinese mother with her young daughter. The lady witnesses the larceny, but quickly turns away, hushing her daughter to safety. Helen’s heart sank.

Then out of nowhere, a fat elderly Malay lady appears at the scene, shouting at the robber, startling him in the process. The robber turns around and starts to wave the knife violently. Almost at that instance, a burly man appears, to defend his wife. The hefty Pakcik swings his shopping back to thwart the attack. The Makcik joins the fray, oblivious to the dangers. Seeing the engage, the robber becomes more violent, now more intent to injure anyone who can foil his livelihood. The Pakcik caught sight of a Malaysia flag on one of the vegetable stall, complete with a big pole stick; it was one of the many pole-flag put up for the Merdeka celebration. Quickly, the Pakcik pulls out the flag and uses it as his weapon. It becomes an uncanny bludgeon stick. In a swoosh, the long stick-cane hits the robber on the head, the cloth-flag draping over him, making him fall flat on the dirty market ground; in the process, he loses grip of the knife – it flings to one corner before lodging itself into the side-drain in a loud cling. Seeing the robber clumsily wrapped the Makcik runs up and gives him a strong kick in the stomach; ending the battle. The Pakcik has to hold on to his feisty wife from hurling further physical abuses. The robber, sensing he is beaten, runs away, whilst trying to free himself from the entangled flag.

The Pakcik and the Makcik then looks at Helen, with an assuring smile. The Pakcik picks up the LV bag, passing it to Helen. No words came out from Helen; she is still badly-shaken. The Makcik gives Helen a squeeze on her shoulder, as if telling her it’s all over.

Helen’s heart is still thumping swiftly as she sees the valiant elderly Malay couple walks off.

Posted in life, Malaysia, malaysian, Oscar the Grouch | 8 Comments »

Taking Back Our Country: Petition to Restore the Judiciary!

Posted by Cherubim on August 30, 2008

Haris Ibrahim of The People’s Parliament started the ball rolling for this petition quite some time ago. RPK promoted it. Currently ithe petition received 14109 signatures.

Although I admit a certain amount of skepticism over the Sultan’s ability to actually make it happen, I realized that the true worth of a signed petition is not in its influence to make one person, one man to do something for you. It is the sheer numbers of those who signed it. It’s perfectly common and relatively harmless to complain at a mamak stall, but when you pool all those voices together in a signed petition, it amounts to something that’s important and no one can ignore.

They can’t possibly off the whole lot of us, y’know. Please sign here. Contents of the petition is republished below;

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Explanatory note : The petition displayed here does not include the requisite court language befitting the presentation of the people’s appeal to His Majesty, the Duli Yang Maha Mulia Yang DiPertuan Agong.This will be undertaken by a specialist at a later date for the final document to be presented to His Majesty.

If you agree to support this petition, you are required to submit your name and identity card number. Names unaccompanied with their identity card numbers, or accompanied by incorrect identity card numbers, will be deleted. Names of those supporting this petition will not be displayed here.

On 18th April, 2008, the Prime Minister, Dato Seri Abdullah Ahmad Badawi, gave the following commitment to the rakyat :

‘…No nation can call itself fair and just without an efficient and trusted judiciary. By “trusted”, I mean a judiciary that delivers justice and is seen to deliver justice…the fact is, we can no longer leave such an important institution to hope and chance. The system must have built-in safeguards to prevent potential abuse and it must have a process that will convincingly identify the best legal minds in the country to join the judiciary…Therefore, the Government proposes a change to make the process of nominating, appointing and promoting judges more transparent and representative…’

At pages 174 and 175 of its report presented to Your Majesty on 9th May, 2008, the Royal Commission of Inquiry mandated to look into the matter of the VK Lingam video, in recommending the formation of a Judicial Appointments Commission, observed as follows:

‘…there is cause for concern about how judges in the upper echelons of the judiciary were appointed and the selection criteria employed. More specifically the evidence has disclosed inherent flaws and weaknesses regarding the process of appointment and promotion of High Court judges as well as the Chief Judge Malaya, President Court of Appeal and the Chief Justice of the Federal Court…Having heard the evidence presented to the Commission in relation to the video clip it would seem clear that the appointment and promotion of judges of the higher judiciary is open to interference and manipulation by the Executive and other extrinsic forces including private citizens…the inherent weaknesses in the process of appointment of judges and its vulnerability to interference and manipulation could result in extreme damage to the independence of the judiciary in particular and to the country in general’.

We, the rakyat, have been very anxious that the requisite reforms to the Judiciary be given effect to so as to restore the same as a truly independent arm of government, free from any sort of interference from Executive so that the former could perform its constitutional role as the defender of the rakyat. We were as such gratified with the media reports that the Law Minister, Dato Zaid Ibrahim, was treating the matter of the establishment of a Judicial Appointments Commission as a matter of priority.

We, the rakyat, are now gravely disappointed with recent media reports that several Cabinet ministers, notably from UMNO, have rejected the proposal by the Law Minister for the establishment of the Judicial Appointments Commission and that the Law Minister had recently confirmed that there would now not be sufficient time during the present sitting of Parliament to table a bill for the purposes of establishing the Judicial Appointments Commission.

We, the rakyat, also note and endorse the concerns of the Law Minister that the appointment to the post of Chief Justice, which falls vacant on 18th October, 2008 upon the retirement of the present Chief Justice Tun Abdul Hamid Mohamad, should ideally be done as transparently as might have been had the Judicial Appointments Commission been set up and entrusted with that task.

We, the rakyat, note that in September last year, the Prime Minister had recommended and Your Majesty had consented to the appointment of Tan Sri Dato’ Zaki Tun Azmi directly to the Federal Court, by-passing several senior judges of the Court of Appeal.

Then in December last year, whilst Tan Sri Dato’ Zaki had barely completed three months into his appointment as a judge of the Federal Court, the Prime Minister had again recommended and Your Majesty had consented to the appointment of Tan Sri Dato’ Zaki to the position of President of the Court of Appeal, this time bypassing several far more senior judges of the Federal Court.

We, the rakyat, note with concern that the rapid rise of Tan Sri Dato’ Zaki through the judiciary, inexplicably over the heads of many more senior members, is reminiscent of the episode in which Tun Ahmad Fairuz Sheikh Abdul Halim bypassed the more senior late Tan Sri Malek Ahmed to the position of President of the Court of Appeal, an episode that became the subject-matter of scrutiny by the Royal Commission of Inquiry earlier this year.

We, the rakyat, also note with concern the following of and concerning Tan Sri Dato’ Zaki :

1.Tan Sri Dato’ Zaki is the most junior judge amongst all judges of the High
Courts, the Court of Appeal and the Federal Court;

2.Tan Sri Dato’ Zaki is the most junior amongst the 8 Federal Court judges,
and his selection as President of the Court of Appeal would most unfairly
have raised questions about the competence of the other 7 very much more
senior judges of the Federal Court ;

3.Tan Sri Dato’ Zaki has been very intimately involved in UMNO, having at
one time held the position of chairman of the party’s election committee,
deputy chairman of its disciplinary board of appeal and party legal
adviser. It is unclear if he is still a card carrying member of UMNO or if
he has ceased to be one, when he ceased to be one;

4.Tan Sri Dato’ Zaki has been linked to financial scandals involving UMNO
that were allegedly bailed out by the government;

5.Tan Sri Dato’ Zaki has been very intimately involved in the corporate
world as a major shareholder and / or director in several corporate
entities, many of which were known to have business dealings with the
government; and

6.Tan Sri Dato’ Zaki had previously been embroiled in a personal scandal that
implicated him in the destruction of documentary evidence, thus laying him
open to questions of his integrity.

We, the rakyat, in writing to Your Majesty now, are guided by the following wise words of HRH Raja Nazrin Shah on 9th April, 2008 :

‘We are now at a critical time in our nation’s history, one where the institutions of state – indeed, the foundations of our democracy – which we have built up since Independence, are under scrutiny. The just concluded 12th General Elections has ushered in a host of changes. Among other things, it has introduced a greater degree of contestation in policy-making, legislation and administration than many would previously have thought possible. Some of these changes may be transient. Others could well be permanent. Whatever the case, the new political realities have proven to be and will continue to be challenging. They send a clear message that we cannot continue on a course of ‘business-as-usual’. It goes without saying that recent revelations of improprieties in the judiciary have been extremely damaging, not least by eroding the public’s image of, and confidence in, the system of justice in this country. We must be committed to working through our current problems and to emerge the stronger and better for them. In order to do so, we must be prepared to deal with the facts as they are, and not as we would like them to be. In this respect, it is most encouraging that YAA Dato’ Abdul Hamid has himself set the tone for us in his appointment speech in December last year. In that speech, which has been described as “a breath of fresh air”, he openly addressed concerns about the impartiality of judicial decisions, the appointment and promotion of judges, and their commitment to carrying out their work. He wisely pointed out that whether or not these perceptions were founded was immaterial. The mere fact that they exist is enough to do damage and warrant firm action’.

Given that it is unlikely that the Judicial Appointments Commission would have been set up by the time the present Chief Justice Tun Abdul Hamid Mohamad retires on 18th October, 2008, it is almost a foregone conclusion that the proposed new Chief Justice will be recommended by the Prime Minister to Your Majesty for Your Majesty’s consent, without the attendant transparent procedures that the anticipated Judicial Appointments Commission would have introduced.

We, the rakyat, again guided by the recent wise words of HRH Raja Nazrin Shah, that when the advice given to the Malay Rulers contradicts the spirit of the constitution, sanctity of the law and the basic principle of justice, the Malay Rulers should not feel pressured to give their assent and that the constitutional monarch system involves a sharing of power between the Rulers and the people and the Rulers are often the “source of reference” whenever there was a crisis among the rakyat, now pray that Your Majesty may be so moved, with a view to begin the process of restoring the confidence of the rakyat in the Judiciary :

1.to require that the senior most judge of the Federal Court, such seniority
measured by the years of service in the apex court, be appointed as the
next Chief Justice upon the retirement of the present Chief Justice Tun
Abdul Hamid Mohamad retires on 18th October, 2008; and

2.pending the establishment of the Judicial Appointments Commission, to
require that promotions to the Court of Appeal and to the Federal Court
shall be from the senior most judges of the High Courts and Court of Appeal
respectively. Again, seniority must be assessed by the years of service in
the High Courts and Court of Appeal respectively.

Posted in Cherubim, Current Affairs, government, Malaysia, malaysian, Observation, Raja Petra Kamarudin | Tagged: , | 5 Comments »

A Patriot Who Will Not Stick Flags All Over Her Vehicle…..

Posted by ErnieJean on August 29, 2008

This morning, as I was savouring the stillness and freshness of the morning air with a nice aromatic cup of coffee, as I usually do before preparing for work, a fleet of helicopters merrily roared their presence, disrupting that quiet time of mine, and in the process, woke my sleeping babies up.

“Oh yea lah……….Merdeka is this Sunday, hor!!”

For the past few days, folks in the Klang Valley have had to put up with the inconvenience of massive traffic jams caused mainly by the daily rehearsals, which picked up momentum since the beginning of the final week before the big day. The main stream media have been playing their part to the “T” with daily photos of the rehearsals and stories of patriotism, to pump up the anticipation and excitement.

So, why am I not at all excited? We’re 51 years old already leh.

Does that mean my patriotism is questionable, due to this lack of enthusiasm? How does one define a patriot, by the way?

I used to look forward to the celebrations every National Day, during my younger days, never failing to tune in to RTM, delightfully soaking in the festive mood of the occasion. This enthusiasm was perhaps fuelled by my participation in one of those parades when I was 16. But as I entered adulthood, promoted to motherhood soon after, that “innocence” diminished, replaced by cynicism.

Perhaps, it’s got to do with the effects of 51 years of mismanagement by the current ruling coalition and the bumbling way they handle the national issues, from social to the economy of this country. Simple issues, like the “bastardisation” of our original majestic composition of “NegaraKu” to some pop-wannabe tune, to more complicating stuff such as their refusal to quit racial politics, have left a very bitter taste in my mouth…..anyone else of the same sentiment?

While those who call themselves leaders of Malaysia continue to

– harp on special rights and privilages;

– shrug off the misuse of public funds and corruption;

– endorse thuggerish activities, SELECTIVELY;

– dish out stupid statements such as “Change Your Lifestyle” while they do the total opposite;

– divide and rule along racial and religious lines;

– exert their authoritarian style of governing to cling onto power,

ordinary folks like me continue to slog on, battling the rising cost of living with stagnant income, so that our kids are provided with decent education, food, clothing, roof over their heads and childhood memories to treasure when they grow up…..and that is only if National Service doesn’t rob them of their adulthood first, if you know what I mean.

But does that all make me less of a Malaysian?

I may not stick many little flags all over my car, don “Jalur Germilang”ed clothings and certainly not misinterpret loyalty to country equals to loyalty to the ruling party, but the passion and will to see this nation and her people move forward, with good governance and the refusal to prejudicially judge a fellow Malaysian because of colour or religion, certainly would qualify me as a Patriotic Malaysian, don’t you think?

Now that the voters have pulled yet another “political tsunami” on the ruling coalition, with the recent landslide victory of our new Opposition Leader, scaring the shit out of those goons who have been holding on to the nation’s coffers for far too long, perhaps there comes now that much awaited light at the end of tunnel (however cheesy it may sound :-p).

And perhaps, in due course, the enthusiasm to experience the true meaning of Merdeka will re-emerge………until then, August 31st will just be but another public holiday (and the birthday of a dear dear friend J)

Posted in blogosphere, Current Affairs, erniejean, government, Malaysia, malaysiakini, malaysian, Meaningless, Opinions, Politicians | Tagged: , , , , | 8 Comments »

Cold war? Russia, the new Soviet Union?

Posted by jingoisticbuthornydesperado on August 28, 2008

COLD WAR!!! That is the headline coming out from the Western MSM. Yes, Russia as claimed by the Western MSM is the new Soviet Union, if we are to believe EVERYTHING that comes out from Western MSM especially those within NATO alliance! They are making Russia the villain of the Georgia and Russia war, but they are merely skimming the surface of Russia-Georgia relationship. In actual fact, the war started due to over-zealousness of Georgia to try to reintegrate South Ossetia into its administration.

The West tries to glorify democratic Georgia. Democratic my foot! We are talking about the president of Georgia who locks up the opposition, restricts free press, turning more authoritarian. He might be a ‘benevolent dictator’ but he is definitely not democratic!!!

Georgia and South Ossetia has a history of not getting along well. South Ossetia is small in comparison with Georgia. The population in South Ossetia has also suffered genocide under Georgia in the last century. The latest conflict originated when Georgia launched the first missile attacks on CIVILIAN TARGETS! This is the case of big brother Georgia bullying small weakling South Ossetia but it wasn’t a big deal. When Russia retaliates under the claim of ‘protecting Russian residents in South Ossetia’, the West starts making a hullabaloo over the big bully rejuvenated Russia, stretching its military might into is weakling neighbour.

So who masterminds the anti-Russia sentiment? It is the US and its belligerent foreign policies especially under the Republicans, compounded by the leadership of George Bush, the ‘holy crusader’. NATO was initially set-up to counter Soviet influence or aggression by trying to cage or corner them. Soviet had since fallen almost two decades ago, whatever practices that work for NATO in the past works then, does not work now. Now, Russia isn’t US natural enemy, US is trying to make an enemy out of Russia. Heck, it is expanding NATO membership to Czech Republic and Poland, right to the door-steps of Russia when NATO should have been disbanded 2 decades ago! US gave stupid excuse that the missile defence system to be set-up in Czech Republic is meant to counter Iranian threat. Mind you, in between Czech Republic and Iran, they are separated by Hungary, Slovakia, Romania, the Black Sea, Turkey, Iraq, Caspian Sea, Georgia, Israel and Azerbaijan depending on which route of invasion. US is provoking Russia by making a Mickey out of Russia’s sovereignty. Then suddenly, the US decided to use a different excuse, completely ignoring Iranian missile threat while using Russia’s aggression on Georgia as pretext to accelerate the admission of Poland and Georgia into NATO while justifying the need to build high tech missile defence system at Czech Republic and Poland to contain Russia. Flip-flopping international relations!

US argued that South Ossetia belongs to Georgia anyway, hence Georgia has the right to maintain its sovereignty with military where necessary (even if South Ossetia is oppressed). If I remember correctly, Kosovo was under Serbia too, but at that time, US claimed that the people in Kosovo (mostly Albanians), have the right to carve out their won destiny and independence regardless of Serbia’s sovereignty (mind you, Albanians in Kosovo isn’t exactly blameless too, they have committed their fair share of genocide against the Serbians). US is the liberator for the unfortunate? Bovine excrement! All these proxy battles are out of self-interest. These acts by US are exactly shaping Russia into an enemy they are trying so hard to contain! Why bother to be so bellicose? Yes US has nuclear weapons but Russia has nuclear weapons too, and hostility isn’t making things any better for everyone!

If Russia is Soviet Union, Russia wouldn’t have pulled its army out from Georgia (the West thought Russia is going to stay much longer than that!). Georgia houses the main gas pipelines (from the east) that supply much of Europe with natural gas. It could have easily occupied Georgia hence holding Europe by its bollocks. Where else can Europe depend for fuel when US has made sure that Europe treats Iran (world 2nd largest oil and gas supplier after Saudi Arabia) as en enemy, imposing trade restrictions? George Bush personally went down to Saudi Arabia to persuade them to increase their oil production in the past but failed miserably, the terms of persuasion was so childish I couldn’t believe the president of United States actually sounded like a beggar! He is no Ronald Reagan who somehow managed to persuade Saudi to triple oil output in 1980s.

Iran and Russia have the perfect symbiosis. The West (mainly Europe) can’t confront Russia too severely because they have already pissed off Iran too badly and they need the Russians! The Russians know it. Iran will not bow down to Western pressure because they owe Russia a favour for vetoing against UN intervention into obstructing Iran’s nuclear ambition (may it be for better or for worse).

US influence is waning due to Bush’s mismanagement. He leads the country into too many oxymoronic strategic disadvantages, struck by weakening dollar worsening the bargaining power of US. Bush (lacking foresight) even had to back down on its harsh ‘threats’ on China’s economic practices, when China threatened to unleash a fraction of its $1.7 trillion foreign reserves, which can further weaken the dollar than it already is now if it is done.

Who is going to come out the loser if there is really a cold war that US seeks so badly? I will place my bets on US……

Posted in America, Cold war, NATO, Observation, Opinions, Russia, Soviet Union | Tagged: , , , , | 35 Comments »

KJ: My Curriculum Vitae, Desperately Looking For A New Job

Posted by barbie on August 27, 2008

RESUME

Personal Details:

Full Name: Khairy Jamaluddin Abu Bakar
Age: 32 years old
Date of Birth: January 10, 1976
Place of Birth: Kuwait City, Kuwait
Language spoken: English and Malay

Education Background:

Tertiary education:
1. Master’s degree in Legal and Political Theory from University College London (UCL), United Kingdom
Bachelor’s degree in Philosophy, Politics and Economics (PPE) from Oxford University, United Kingdom

Secondary education:
2. United World College of South East Asia, Singapore

Employment Experiences:

1. Journalist

2. Talk show presenter – Dateline Malaysia

3. Writer for The Economist

4. Special Officer for Deputy Prime Minister of Malaysia Abdullah Ahmad Badawi

5. Deputy Principal Private Secretary for Abdullah Ahmad Badawi

6. Son in Law of Prime Minister of Malaysia, Abdullah Ahmad Badawi

7. Investment banker

8. Deputy President of the Football Association of Malaysia (FAM)

9. Deputy  Chief of UMNO Youth

I am writing this resume to prepare myself for the worse. I may be jobless after that traitor Anwar Ibrahim make good of his promise to take over the government this coming Sept 16th. I may need to quit my Deputy Chief of UMNO Youth and my powerful father in law no longer can provide for me. Damn Anwar Ibrahim!!

I should not make that stupid statement at the Permatang Pauh ceramah that day. What I was thinking saying we are here to bury Anwar’s political career and challenging Anwar Ibrahim to  resign as PKR adviser if he failed to become prime minister by Sept 16. I should just stop and that and not saying I would quit as Umno Youth deputy chief. Damn my smelly mouth!!

I am jobless after selling my shares in ECM Libra Avenue Bhd in 2006. Hey! I sold it at 65 sen per share, 6 sen cheaper from the price I bought at 71 sen, so I actually loss a lot of money! I only made less than RM 7 million after selling all my shares. What rich? I borrowed the money to fund my RM9.2 million shares, sold it for RM7 million  so I actually lost RM2 million okay! Damn that old man Lim Kit Siang, simply say I am the richest unemployed man!!

Luckily my father in law is a good and generous to me and thank God I am the Deputy Chief for UMNO Youth, I still can ‘cari makan’ as the Malays say. For quite some time I am depending on my father in law to pay off my cars, traffic summonses and my 2 iPhones. I am quite embarrassed to depend on him, but what I can do?  You see I have three cars with number plats KJ10Q, WNA13 and WMT8001. The car number plates itself also cost more than the car, you know! Damn the cars!!

I bought 2 iPhones and signed up for the AT&T’s 2 years contract, which is available for USD$60, $80 and $100 per month. I am the Prime Minister son in law, you cannot expect me to buy unlocked iPhone at Lowyat Plaza right? You do the math, cheapest plan still cost me USD1440 per year and I have 2 iPhones. I need to pay for the exorbitant roaming charges some more. Sigh!I shouldn’t buy those phones when I was away vacationing at the States for weeks. Damn the iPhone! Damn Steve Ballmer!! Damn Steve Jobs!!

I need to raise my family. I really need to prepare for the worst.  have listed some of the cool jobs I think I can do best judging from my past experience.  Help me make my decision.

1. Tukang karut in a dikir barat group – I can gather some of the my good friends: Nazri, Badruddin, Najib, Ali Rustam, Samyvellu, Ezam Mohd Nor, Bung Moktar, Pandikar Amin and form a dikir barat group! I am so good at ‘mengarut’, being a tukang karut should not be problem.

2. Lead singer in boria – I have a thing with boria. I join UMNO because I love the boria atmosphere.

3. Start a boy band with Jason Lo, my best friend! – We did MyTeam together, why don’t we start a new boy band to rival Too Phat?

4. A tele marketeer – I have no idea why I think of this job. Wait I heard tele marketeer need to bullshit a lot, I think I can handle that. I cannot make much money from it though. Skip this.

5. Go to Texas and become bull auctioneer – I have a loud voice. I love animals. I can connect with them.  Wait, George Bush is from Texas. I hate the bugger. Skip this.

6. Replace AC Mizal as host in AF – I hosted a talk show before. I think I am way more good looking than AC Mizal. I can make good jokes too.

7. AF contestant (since AF taking contestants up to 45 yrs of age) – I love AF. Damn Mawi! He is so famous now. Ali Cafe, Mamee, Poweroot, Hotlink ads all got his face. I also want to be famous. Wait, I am already famous! HAHAHA! Skip this.

8. Gigolo. – Those lecherous white/Japanese girls love beach boys. I am so tanned and good looking. I can speak with accent which they love. But KJ the Gigolo does not sound quite appealing. Skip this.

9. Start one more boutique selling bra and panties – I already have one at Pavilion KL. Well it’s belong to my wife, so it’s belong to me as well. Then again, it is a bit sissy for me selling bras and panties. Skip this.

10. Join Raja Lawak competition – I had told many funny jokes and people love it! I see many stupid bloggers quoting my jokes without paying royalties to me, damn!!

After much consideration, I reflected on my past achievements in politics, hosting political shows, handling public relations events and all that I have done in the past, I think I have failed miserably. UMNO is now at all time low on the pop charts. I do not want to go down the same path again.

I do not know much words apart from “lawan tetap lawan, kuburkan, liwat, pengkhianat bangsa” so I doubt I can be a good political orator. I made so many enemies, there is no one left for me to interview anyway. If they are seen to be too friendly with me, I may cause their shares to drop for the public may hate them.

I cannot sing that well either, so I do not want to do all those tukang karut, boria, AF, boy band stuff.

I think I should try my luck on the Raja Lawak competition. What do you think?

ps: Love this post? FAVE IT!

Posted in barbie, Fun, Meaningless, Politicians | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 79 Comments »

Twelve Things to Give You Reason to Laugh Today!

Posted by Foodie on August 27, 2008

After more than a week of heavy stuff in this blog, I’ve decided to lighten things up in here a bit 🙂 After all, the victory at Permatang Pauh certainly calls for some celebration in the Dandelions! Don’t you think? Here’s something I received from a friend recently! Enjoy.

1) To make it straight, she pulls it. To make it stand, she rubs it. To make it stiff, she licks it. To put it in, she pushes it. It is a hell of a job threading a needle!!!

2) A guy donated blood to his girlfriend. When they broke up, he wanted his blood back. The girl threw a bloody KOTEX at him and said, ‘I’ll pay you in monthly installments.’

3) Girl in cinema turns sideways and whispers to her boyfriend ‘The man next to me is masturbating!’ Bf: ‘Ignore him.’ GF: ‘I can’t.’ BF: ‘Why not?’ GF: ‘He is using my hand!’

4) The Biology teacher draws a huge PENIS on the board and asks ‘Does anybody know what this is? Dirty John says ‘Oh, it’s a penis and you know Dad’s got 2 of them’. The teacher says ‘2 of them?’ John says ‘ya’. The little one he uses to pee and the big one to brush mum’s teeth.’

5) 4 miracles of a woman: A. Getting wet without taking a shower B. Bleeding without getting hurt C. Giving milk without eating grass D. Making boneless meat hard

6) What is the smallest hotel in the world? The answer is ‘Vagina Inn’. It accommodates only 1 standing occupant with his 2 baggages left outside.

7) Unborn twins saw a penis approaching. 1st: Papa coming, papa coming 2nd: You fool, it’s uncle lah. Papa never comes with raincoat!

8) A hubby said to his wife, ‘ I will take a photo of your breast and frame it.’ The wife said to husband, ‘I will take a photo of your penis and enlarge it.’

9) What did Snow White complain about after having sex with the 7 dwarfs? Snow White said, ‘ I would rather have 7 inches at 1 time. Not 1 inch 7 times.’

10) The vagina is the world’s best rehabilitation center. Even the most violent and aggressive penis comes out humbled, head bowed and reduced in size.

11) A loving husband had ‘I Love You’ tattooed on his dick. When he got home, he showed it to his wife. She said, ‘There u go again trying to put words in my mouth.’

12) Lady was trying on a dress. Husband: ‘Your ass is as big as a BBQ pit!’ Later in bed, husband said, ‘Want to do it?’ Wife: ‘It’s a waste lighting up a BBQ pit for a small sausage.’

Posted in miss jolie, sex | Tagged: , , | 21 Comments »

Khairy: “We are here to bury Anwar’s political career”

Posted by barbie on August 27, 2008

Remember this?

Khairy: We’ve come to ‘bury’ Anwar
Beh Lih Yi | August 21, 2008

Barisan Nasional will not only defeat Anwar Ibrahim in the Aug 26 Permatang Pauh by-election, the ruling coalition will also bury his political career.

This bold prognosis came from Umno Youth deputy chief Khairy Jamaluddin.

Speaking at a ceramah in Seberang Jaya last night, he riled up the audience by characterising the upcoming contest as one that would decide the fate of the nation.

During a fiery 30-minute speech, Khairy said BN candidate Arif Shah Omar Shah’s true challenge was to end the career of the ‘power crazy’ opposition leader.

We are here to bury Anwar’s political career. We are here to make history to ensure our nation’s future is free and safe from him!” he thundered to loud cheers from those present.

(Source: Malaysiakini)

Hahahaha!!! Hahaha!!! Ha! Ha! Ha!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!

WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

NYAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

*cough! cough!*

ROTFLSMDL!!! ROTFLMAO!! ROTFLMAOWLKITA!!

Sorry… can’t help it..

This comment from a reader of Malaysiakini reflects my opinion of Khairy:

“Maybe Khairy wants to look at his salvation act and see how he has ‘buried’ his own father-in-law’s political career with the ‘demise’ of the five states in the hands of Pakatan Rakyat, not to mention his own ‘burial’ with a limbo rock on his position as deputy head of Umno Youth.

Good, Khairy. Do more salvation work – ‘bury’ your own career.”

*ROTFLSMDL – Rolling on the floor laughing sampai masuk dalam longkang!
**ROTFLSMDL – Rolling on the floor laughing my ass off!
***ROTFLMAOWLKITA!! – Rolling on the floor laughing my ass off with legs kicking in the air!

Posted in Anwar Ibrahim, Article, barbie, Current Affairs, Fun, Mainstream Media, Malaysia, malaysiakini, Observation, Politicians, UMNO | Tagged: , , , , , | 27 Comments »

A tribute to Raja Petra Kamaruddin. Thank You, Sir!

Posted by Madame on August 27, 2008

The mere thought of blogging again is a daunting one for me, I find. Could I be suffering from ‘Writer’s Block’? Perhaps…. ‘Brain Freeze’? Yeah…most likely 😉 However, yesterday’s resounding election victory in Permatang Pauh for Anwar Ibrahim got me thinking and has kinda galvanized me…for, it is a pivotal moment for Malaysia. Malaysia now finally has a fair chance at democracy….it has taken us 51 years to get there….but so what, we are slowly getting there….and that’s what matters! 🙂

Malaysia and Press Freedom is like mixing water and oil. The BN government has always suffocated freedom of expression and thought. The one thing that we got under Badawi, was the sudden explosion of politics in Blogosphere. So for this, I must pause to say….”Thank you, Mr. Badawi for the slight freedoms that you have given us” 😉 Badawi has given us way more freedom than his predecessor did. Was this because he cares more about freedom of expression or was he just plain inefficient? I tend to favour the latter 😀

I personally think that Blogosphere was/is responsible for the sudden political awareness amongst Malaysians. I think that we can also give the bloggers huge credit for March 8th and most recently, for Permatang Pauh. There are many bloggers who we owe a debt of gratitude to like Zorro, Anil Netto, Susan Loone, The Dandelions (ahem…ahem 😉 )and oh-so-many more…but…is there any one person that I would like to single out for his contribution to this new found political awareness amongst Malaysians? Yes, there is…..it would have to be the one and only YM Raja Petra Kamaruddin or RPK, for short.

This one man must surely go down in Malaysian history for his bravery and wits in daring to take on the BN machinary. He boldly goes where others fear to tread…and he does it all with grace, smarts and humor! He surely has become the Conscience of Malaysia. I think that he has given us courage to question and debate governmental policies. I salute you, YM RPK for your convictions and your courage!

Do I always agree with what RPK has to say? Nope! Quite often I find myself disagreeing and at times even find his ‘theories’ too far-fetched…BUT…what RPK does is, he makes me stop to ponder….and that is what matters to me. He gives me food for thought…it is then upto to me to ponder, investigate and then draw my own conclusions. He brings so many relevant matters out into the open….which is sadly not covered by the MSM. For me, RPK has become my very own MSM 😀

RPK embodies the true spirit of democracy, I think. He is not afraid to be put under ISA or face the ‘famed’ Malaysian courts 😉 I applaud him for his strength and his selflessness! Do I idolise the man? Nope! But I do admire all that he stands for greatly.

So…I’d like to say a BIG “Thank You, Sir” to YM Raja Petra Kamaruddin for showing me the way 🙂

LONG LIVE MALAYSIA!!!! LONG LIVE DEMOCRACY!!! And now at last I can proudly say……Malaysia mungkin Boleh!!! 😀

Malaysia-Today can be accessed through this link

http://mt.harapanmalaysia.com/2008/

Posted in Anwar Ibrahim, Current Affairs, government, madame, Mainstream Media, Malaysia, Observation, Raja Petra Kamarudin | Tagged: , , , , , , | 27 Comments »

Numbers that don’t quite make sense

Posted by pervster on August 27, 2008

Numbers that don’t quite make sense in today’s The Sun:

PERMATANG PAUH BY-ELECTION:EC reports 65.25% turnout

BUKIT MERTAJAM (Aug 26 , 2008) : A total of 38,144 voters cast their ballots in the Permatang Pauh by-election today, accounting for 65.25% of the 58,459 registered voters in the constituency at the close of polling centres at 5pm.

———————-
PKR – 31195
BN – 15524
AKIM – 92
Total – 46811

Voting was brisk ……….. But the overall turnout (62.25%) was much lower than the GE when 82.06% voted.

Also stated in The Sun:

Election Commission secretary Datuk Kamaruzaman Mohd Noor announced that 38144 of the 58459 registered voteres cast their ballots.

———————-
Now, it can’t be 62.25%, because
62.25% = 36391 people

And if it is indeed as what the EC claims, then:

38144 out of 58459 = 65.24%

46811 is more like 80.07%. But this is not including the spoilt votes.

Where the heck did all the other people come from??!!!

So….it got me thinking….. here’s what I think really happened:

ACTUAL count: (assuming undi rosak = 0)

PKR – 31195
BN – 6857
AKIM – 92
Total – 38144

Phantom voters – 8667.

EC guy forgot to count phantom voters…. and only after that he realised the discrepancies and announced another ‘official’ result. Ahaks!

Now… back to the celebrations!…. REFORMASI!!!!
-Pervster.

Posted in government, Malaysia, Opinions, Uncategorized | Tagged: , , , , , | 12 Comments »