The Dandelions

.. the mutual admiration and bashing society.

TIPS FOR DUMB HUSBANDS

Posted by saggiethewarrior on August 4, 2008

This is in response to my dear stupendously gorgeous Madame, men do know how to treat the wives..they just need to consult me..

Chris Rock says, “Marriage is all about making a woman happy”. But he also said it is impossible to please a woman.

Now, if that is the case, then we husbands are doomed! Well not really, there is a way around it. Let me break it down to you how to work it…

Before you open the door after coming back from work, your head is already thinking about some loving later that night. The moment you open the door, she jumps at you and starts rambling about how bad her day was. How do you handle this? What do you do? What you should not do is roll your eyes and sigh out loud! The moment you do that, the whole night is screwed! What you should do is say to her in a nice way “tell me all about it after dinner ok, let me take my shower and dinner first”.

The objective here is to push forward the “issue” so far ahead until she doesn’t feel like talking about it anymore.

Now, during dinner and after dinner, DO NOT ask her anything, you do the talking instead. Talk about something good, something that makes her happy. She will feel better and glad you are there to “comfort” her without even talking about her lousy day. Believe me, she will then say the magic sentence we all like to hear…”are you coming to bed”…works every time boys…

What if she makes a mistake? What if she accidentally spills coffee on your expensive Armani suit? Don’t go screaming at her like a crazy baboon! What good can come out of that? Is your suit going to be magically cleaned? Calm down and listen to your Mr. Schlong…he is telling you something. Mr. Schlong knows this is a golden opportunity to get that special “meal deal” upsized. Mr. Schlong is thinking of that thing she rarely does to you, the super special foreplay. So just make that upset face and leave for work. You must make her feel upset rather than sorry. A sorry wife will eat ice cream and talk to her friends on the phone; an upset wife will shave her legs and wax her goldmine. Later that night, she will rub your back and say “Honey, about the suit, let me make it up to you”. Ehem..ehem..Mr. Schlong is going for a swim….

Now, what if you screw up? You did something terrible like calling her mama a fat old woman. How do you get out of this one? Don’t go out there and buy a bunch of flowers or an expensive perfume, she will take it that you are trying to bribe her. Call her mama instead and apologize to her. She will be very happy because you showed some kind of effort. Two words guys; make up sex…

What about us then, what if we have problems? Should we not share with them and get sympathy sex? No, we don’t because once you open that door they will jump straight in and share their problems with you. We don’t want that do we guys? So suck it up and keep it to yourself.

Last bit … weekend is very important. Women do not say this but they expect sex on weekends. Being moody creatures that they are, that expectation can turn into rejection if you don’t play your cards well. Entertain her on weekends, shopping malls, park, baby showers, Avon stockist; just do whatever she desires.

Weekends with the wife are like eating durians, its hard work but you know the reward is scrumptious.

Do all these and you will not have to knuckle shuffle in the toilet every now and then. You might say we end up like beggars; begging for sex. Well either this or you end up married and miserable! Or you can choose to be single and lonely!

I know what I want, what about you?

11 Responses to “TIPS FOR DUMB HUSBANDS”

  1. erniejean said

    LOL!!! Does that mean men, at the end of the day, are definitely after only one thing?

    What a totally hillarious post!!! Absolutely makes my day after being stuck in that horrible MRR2 traffic jam…….

  2. Amused said

    sigh.. sex sex and more sex.. that’s what you guys think of at the end of the day…:-)

  3. saggiethewarrior said

    Yes mam..Thats all we do..well I know thats all I do..

  4. jingoisticbuthornydesperado said

    lol, good one, hahahahaha, stomach ache here. better than karma sutra😀

  5. Madame said

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA……LMAO, Saggie!!!

    This stupendously gorgeous Madame is truly gratified😉

  6. Crankshaft said

    Do we have a love guru here???

  7. Cherubim said

    ROFL!!!!!~~~~

  8. jingoisticbuthornydesperado said

    Crankshaft, A love guru is an underestimate.😉

  9. When it comes to your own family you next often have to learn to live in love with what you got .. and the same attitude applies to divorce, you try to make the best of it.

    http://thefocusonthefamily.wordpress.com/2008/07/18/most-popular-post-the-focus-on-the-family/

  10. missjolie said

    Hear Hear!!! All hail the LOVE GURU!😉

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