The Dandelions

.. the mutual admiration and bashing society.

Thirteen Things That’ll Make You LOL!

Posted by Foodie on September 25, 2008

Here’s another something I received and enjoyed. Something to lighten up the mood in light of the depressing and ridiculous happenings in Malaysia of late! Enjoy readers. It made me laugh, hope it does the same for you!🙂

1. A recent survey asked 100 sexually active men what they most enjoyed about a blow job.
99.9% of them said, ‘the 10 minutes of silence’!

2. Advantages of having an affair with a married woman? They give like hell. They do not yell.
They do not tell. They do not swell and there is no wedding bell.

3. Women have to be more beautiful than smart: Cause men see better than they think.

4. Woman’s Quote of the Day:
Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes and it’s our job to stomp on them and
keep them in the dark until they mature into something with which you’d like to have dinner with.

Men’s Counter-Quote of the Day:
Women are like fine wine. They all start out fresh, fruity and intoxicating to the mind and
then turn full-bodied with age until they go all sour and vinegary and give you a headache.

5. A woman once said that a man is like a deck of playing cards. You need:
a HEART to love him,
a DIAMOND to marry him,
a CLUB to smash his head in, and
a SPADE to bury him!

6. What’s the definition of a gynaecologist?
He is the only fool on the earth who looks for problems in a place where most other people find pleasure!

7. What is the similarity between a wife and a chewing gum?
Both are sweet in the beginning and become tasteless and shapeless later.

8. What is the strongest muscle?
The tongue. It can raise a woman’s hip with just one lick!

9. Why is the 69 position like driving in rush hour?
The arsehole is always in front of you.

10. What is the difference between a panty & a stage curtain?
When you pull down the stage curtain, the show is over.. but when you pull down the panties, it’s SHOWTIME!

11. A divorced man meets his ex-wife’s new husband at a party. Later after knocking back a few drinks,
he goes over to the new guy and asks him: So… how do you like using second hand stuff?
The new husband replied: It isn’t that bad. Past the first three inches, its all brand new.

12. A lady bought her ex a present for his birthday. He opened it and said, ‘What the hell do I want with a rocket?’
She said, ‘You wanted space.. now fly off!’

13. It’s funny how as we get older, our priorities change. The other morning I awoke to see my wife standing
beside the bed, dressed in very skimpy underwear and holding several pieces of velvet rope.
Tie me up and you can do anything you want, she purred. So I tied her up and went fishing.

  

  

13 Responses to “Thirteen Things That’ll Make You LOL!”

  1. LMAO! Good one!

  2. Madame said

    ROTFLWLKITA……Thanks, Babe! I so needed this😀

  3. ct said

    why is it women is always the brunt of sexual jokes ah? so sexist laa

  4. missjolie said

    it’s not sexist i don’t think ct. men are also picked on. read between the lines! anyway, it goes both ways. sometimes we have to learn to laugh a bit. not take everything so seriously…this is after all a joke. 🙂 hv a nice day!

  5. ct said

    ya ya

  6. sinaganaga said

    wakakakaka

  7. sam said

    more sexist crap…disgusting…

  8. Madame said

    Sam….lighten up a little, pls😉

  9. jingoisticbuthornydesperado said

    well madame, don’t think it really matters. we can’t please everybody.😀

    i mean we are quite a bunch of very eccentric, horny pansies. what would the pope say?😀

  10. Madame said

    HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHA….true, Jingo!😀

  11. barbie said

    Why so serious?

  12. missjolie said

    Sam, life is short and unpredictable. Laugh a lot, make a lot of friends, love a lot, party a lot, be happy a lot. Most importantly, DON’T sweat the small stuff !😀 Before you know it, one leg’s already in the grave and you’re still worrying if jokes made about women are sexist crap!😛

  13. missjolie said

    I also noticed that some people didn’t really get the gist of the jokes. It jabs both ways people. Both men and women have been made fun of! (geez, can’t believe i hv to explain) Not only are women being made fun of but at the same time the men as well?? I don’t see the men screaming ‘sexism’? So, ladies, you are only justifying the ‘prophecy’ with your crying sexism remarks!

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