The Dandelions

.. the mutual admiration and bashing society.

An IDIOT’s Guide To The New Stockmarket Lexicon

Posted by Foodie on October 23, 2008

In light of the current global economic crisis, confused by all these new words and acronyms bandied around as a result of the credit crunch. Let me help you with a new helpful guide sent to me today…I found this most relevant and useful in helping me understand the current situation a LOT BETTER!!!

CEO -Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -Corporate Fraud Officer.
BULL MARKET – A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET – A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewellery, and the husband gets no sex.
VALUE INVESTING – The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO – The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
BROKER – What my broker has made me.
STANDARD & POOR – Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST – Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT – When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
FINANCIAL PLANNER – A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
MARKET CORRECTION – The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW – The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
YAHOO – What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
WINDOWS – What you jump out of when you’re the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR – Past year investor who’s now locked up in a nuthouse.
PROFIT – An archaic word no longer in use.

p/s: My favourite being YAHOO and WINDOWS! Hahahahahaha!


6 Responses to “An IDIOT’s Guide To The New Stockmarket Lexicon”

  1. Abracadabra said


    yeah my favourite is windows and yahoo too. lol. great minds think alike

  2. missjolie said

    Hahahaha, I also like MARKET CORRECTION!!! That ALWAYS seems to happen doesn’t it? Must be murphy’s law or something! LMAO…and not forgetting BROKER!!

  3. jingoisticbuthornydesperado said

    Murphy’s law? is murphy’s law about accidents always bound to happen no matter how many contingencies we plan for?

  4. missjolie said

    something like that…. events not going the way we want it to … 😀 it’s sometimes also referred to as Sod’s Law or Finagle’s Law.

  5. coolbert said

    Here’s another one.

    BANKER – The person charging you interest for loaning your money back to you.

  6. Madame said

    HAHAHAHAHHAHHAHA….good one, Babe! My faves are also the Yahoo and Windows ones 😀

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