The Dandelions

.. the mutual admiration and bashing society.

No, It’s Not Our Business Anyway…….

Posted by ErnieJean on December 17, 2008

Remember this song?

My name is luka
I live on the second floor
I live upstairs from you
Yes I think youve seen me before
If you hear something late at night
Some kind of trouble. some kind of fight
Just dont ask me what it was
Just dont ask me what it was
Just dont ask me what it was
I think its because Im clumsy
I try not to talk too loud
Maybe its because Im crazy
I try not to act too proud
They only hit until you cry
And after that you dont ask why
You just dont argue anymore
You just dont argue anymore
You just dont argue anymore

Yes I think Im okay
I walked into the door again
Well, if you ask thats what Ill say
And its not your business anyway
I guess Id like to be alone
With nothing broken, nothing thrown
Just dont ask me how I am
Just dont ask me how I am
Just dont ask me how I am

Luka, apparently, was eventually found beaten to death…… 😦

Ella Mae called me yesterday, pretty much shaken up…….

A neighbour of hers, a lady from India who is married a local guy, with 3 teenage girls, was overheard screaming in pain. Knowing the husband’s history for beating his wife up whenever he pleases, Ella Mae got worried and called her condominium’s management office to send a security personnel to that apartment unit to check on them. Guess what? The security guard only went to the front of the apartment and upon not hearing anything, decided that it was a false alarm.

Not satisfied with the guard’s half-heartedness, Ella Mae then, decided to try approaching some other neighbours whom she is friends with, to check on the Indian lady. Needless to say, nobody wanted to get involved because it’s considered to be a “domestic issue“.

In the end, Ella Mae made the same security guard follow her to the Indian lady’s apartment, knocked on the door and the husband appeared. After being questioned about the blood-cuddling scream that she heard, he admitted to hitting his wife, but his excuse was that she hit him first. Funny thing that she’s gone to the clinic for treatment while he’s bruise free.

What got her extremely upset was the level of apathy her neighbours displayed during such incidences. The beatings that the lady had to endure was not a one-time-off incident, as she has endured so many beatings in the past that she tried running away before, but due to threats from her Malaysian husband regarding their daughters and her Malaysian visa, the poor woman had to return her hell-hole of a home. And Ella Mae knew that her neighbours had heard the screams that morning too, although they all played dumb when asked about it.

Nobody cared.

And nobody will too.

Because nobody wants to get involved in something that’s so messy and emotional.

Public Apathy, folks!!

The question is, do we really turn our backs on these victims of violence (domestic or otherwise), all for the sake of not being tagged as “Nosy-Parkers” ? And only to come out with stories for the press and TV crew when something horrible takes place, such as murder?

That only when the dead body of the wife is discovered and the husband arrested, do these neighbours eagerly jump at the opportunity to be interviewed by some TV reporter, for their 1-minute fame, and say “Ya-lah….we always hear the poor woman scream for help… pitiful“………..SAD, isn’t it?

Someone asked me what can one do if the abused victim doesn’t want to press charges or ask for help. Well, like Ella Mae’s neighbour, she’s obviously at the mercies of her abuser aka husband due to her status as a foreign wife (and we all know how our immigration people process eligibility for PR status, don’t we?) and hence how can we blame her for keeping quiet, but all these while, living in fear?

I think, the very least we could do as decent human beings would be to let the abuser know that he/she is being watched by a lot of people who will not hesitate to act accordingly if the abuses continue……..

Did you know that studies have shown that majority of these abusers are actually COWARDS? That they only prey on the ones that are weaker than themselves in order to cover up for their insecurities and weaknesses?

That if they are confronted by a group of people, these cowards would more often than not, back down and think twice before they use their fists again……and with the support from such a group, this may also give the victim the much needed courage to take charge of the situation.

The other thing we could do is to at least inform the relevant social organisation such as Women’s Aid Organisation for their possible intervention.

(Hey, by the way, does that mean our sadistic dog-catchers are cowards too? Throw away their shot guns and long sticks and see if they are still so macho, ya?)


8 Responses to “No, It’s Not Our Business Anyway…….”

  1. Surind said

    Great post 🙂

    Keep up the good work. Cheers 😉

  2. mauryaII said

    The apathy towards those poor women being brutalised and demeaned by the insecure and cowardly “machos” is quite a common problem not only among the Indians but other Asian communities as well. In fact it is a problem faced by defenceless women the world over.

    It is indeed sad and disheatening when such incidences are not acted upon even by the police. The police usually brush aside complaints by abused spouses as domestic issues. They will only act when visible bodily damage, blood and a medical report is shown to them. Even then they might just advise to settle it amicably on their own.

    So long as domestic violence is viewed as more of an irritant by the authorities and neighbours who do not want to be dragged into a confrontation with the “machos”, abused women might have to say ‘enough is enough’ and look for other avenues to redress such hopeless situation.

    One such avenue might be to be proactive and give the cowardly abuser a taste of his own medicine.

  3. mauryaII said

    sorry for the error: disheartening in the second paragraph.

  4. Fi-sha said

    Asian men with balls, guts and feelings are rare species and our society makes it even worse by condoning these kind of incidents by asking these battered women to forgive and forget and even asked these ladies to be patient and try to understand their partners better. The lousy men were left untouched, unscathed. My heart goes out to those ladies, who upon agreeing to marry their other half, thought she and the children will be taken care of in terms of material, physical and emotional.May they be strong..

  5. Nessa said

    We are a bunch of useless people at times. Kudos to Ella Mae!

  6. We are a bunch of useless people at times. Kudos to Ella Mae!

  7. Cherubim said

    You can count on my help Ella Mae. I believe I have some ideas to help this woman.

  8. Cherubim said

    eh, erniejean… lol…*feels silly*

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