The Dandelions

.. the mutual admiration and bashing society.

Archive for the ‘Sexuality’ Category

Thirteen Things That’ll Make You LOL!

Posted by Foodie on September 25, 2008

Here’s another something I received and enjoyed. Something to lighten up the mood in light of the depressing and ridiculous happenings in Malaysia of late! Enjoy readers. It made me laugh, hope it does the same for you! 🙂

1. A recent survey asked 100 sexually active men what they most enjoyed about a blow job.
99.9% of them said, ‘the 10 minutes of silence’!

2. Advantages of having an affair with a married woman? They give like hell. They do not yell.
They do not tell. They do not swell and there is no wedding bell.

3. Women have to be more beautiful than smart: Cause men see better than they think.

4. Woman’s Quote of the Day:
Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes and it’s our job to stomp on them and
keep them in the dark until they mature into something with which you’d like to have dinner with.

Men’s Counter-Quote of the Day:
Women are like fine wine. They all start out fresh, fruity and intoxicating to the mind and
then turn full-bodied with age until they go all sour and vinegary and give you a headache.

5. A woman once said that a man is like a deck of playing cards. You need:
a HEART to love him,
a DIAMOND to marry him,
a CLUB to smash his head in, and
a SPADE to bury him!

6. What’s the definition of a gynaecologist?
He is the only fool on the earth who looks for problems in a place where most other people find pleasure!

7. What is the similarity between a wife and a chewing gum?
Both are sweet in the beginning and become tasteless and shapeless later.

8. What is the strongest muscle?
The tongue. It can raise a woman’s hip with just one lick!

9. Why is the 69 position like driving in rush hour?
The arsehole is always in front of you.

10. What is the difference between a panty & a stage curtain?
When you pull down the stage curtain, the show is over.. but when you pull down the panties, it’s SHOWTIME!

11. A divorced man meets his ex-wife’s new husband at a party. Later after knocking back a few drinks,
he goes over to the new guy and asks him: So… how do you like using second hand stuff?
The new husband replied: It isn’t that bad. Past the first three inches, its all brand new.

12. A lady bought her ex a present for his birthday. He opened it and said, ‘What the hell do I want with a rocket?’
She said, ‘You wanted space.. now fly off!’

13. It’s funny how as we get older, our priorities change. The other morning I awoke to see my wife standing
beside the bed, dressed in very skimpy underwear and holding several pieces of velvet rope.
Tie me up and you can do anything you want, she purred. So I tied her up and went fishing.

  

  

Posted in Meaningless, miss jolie, sex, Sexuality | Tagged: , , , | 13 Comments »

Is Helen Mirren hot? You bet she is …

Posted by Oscar the Grouch on August 18, 2008

I have always maintained the following – if I was ever been given a choice to go out on a dinner date with either of the following individuals:

a) Either one of the girls from Twins, the now-infamous Hong Kong pop singer group;

b) The current Miss Chinatown;

c) Judi Dench;

– my choice would be Dame Judi Dench, hands down.

Well, without doubt, the Twins and Miss Chinatown would be physically pleasing to the eyes, not to mention, garnering the envy of other hot-blooded males; but the fact is, Judi Dench would, to me, make a far superior date-companion to a romantic dinner engagement as compared to a dull, uninteresting young lass who is interested in nothing but exchanging disengaging cutesy smiles; whilst interjecting in between the awkward silence interval with incomprehensible small-talk.

And perhaps that is why the wonderful write-up, Sex and the 60-somethings (Culture Cul De Sac, Starmag, August 17) by Jacqueline Pereira, makes such an engaging read. Yes, I can identify with appreciating a salaciously sensual, though somewhat aged, lady. In fact, I find the word “aged” as rudimentary crude; perhaps, a more appropriate description to Dame Helen Mirren’s maturity should be just that: attractively mature; as opposed to old, elderly, senior or even, ripe.

But before I carry on, I wish to place on records that I am not over 90 years of age, of which some may then accuse me of flirtatiously zeroing my wanton attention on the younger woman. In fact, I have yet to cross the 40 years age timeline, of which, it does not mean I am a young kinky sex addict whose sole pastime interest is to click on pornographic websites bearing the heading of hot naked mature ladies or granny porn.

I am but a decent gentleman whose idea of a great date is to have a romantic dinner, whilst engaging in pleasant, yet intelligent conversation. The dinner-chat must be interesting, slightly off-beat at times, but never dull. A smile, or a laugh, emanated from such dinner-chat, should be sincere and natural; never a forced social compulsion of trying to please one’s date.

A woman who is confident, self-assured and engaging is very sexy. A woman who is confident, self-assured and engaging at the age of 63, as in Helen Mirren, is even sexier. Therefore, my answer to the question, “Is Helen Mirren really desirable at 62?”, would too be a resounding “Yes”.

In fact, the actresses whom I find physically and mentally attractive, as opposed to just physically good-looking, have all been, well, mature. Helen Mirren is only one of the many. Take the example I have referred to earlier, Dame Judi Dench, who at 74, is one hot babe in the role of M in the James Bond film series. Who cares about the other Bond Babes that come and go after each movie instalment? M is the permanent babe that stays along, even after poor aging Pierce Brosnan got booted out in favour of the younger Daniel Craig. In fact, as Bond’s boss, Judi Dench has always been on top of him, as opposed to the other poor girls.

And then, there is the delightful Meryl Streep. She has charmed audience, since her younger days, not with her physical looks, but with solid and engaging acting skills – from The Deer Hunter, opposite Robert De Niro, to Kramer vs. Kramer, opposite Dustin Hoffman. Those who caught a bit of her latest offering, Mamma Mia!, the film version of the ABBA musical, will find that Streep, at 59, is still charmingly attractive. Of course there are younger contenders – such as Michelle Pfeiffer, who looked beautiful decades ago in Grease 2, and still look incredible today, at the age of 50; and Julianne Moore, who is still ravishing at 48, not to mention she is a spokesmodel for Revlon.

My point of contention, at the end of the day, is that it is not the skimpy red bikini adorned by Dame Helen Mirren that makes attractive. It is what is beneath her that shines through her desirable physicality – her mind, character, personality, poise, charisma, intelligence, charm, traits and individuality; all of which has been fine-tuned in the course of time, to this state of what I would term as maturely attractive. Yes, I am in love with a woman’s mind – one that can engage, participate, amuse and tease alongside with my own intellect and wit. It is never an issue of loving a physical body of a woman with mindless disposition.

But having said that, I have been made to understand that Helen Mirren actually looks incredible in the red bikini. I have also did a google-search and found that Mirren has frequently appeared nude on film as far back as her first film Age of Consent, and was over 50 years of age when she appeared nude in the film Calendar Girls and on the cover of the Radio Times 5-11 October issue in 1996.

With such revelations, I wish to place on records that I did not google search for Helen Mirren’s nude photos.

Posted in Conversation, Female Psyche, Horny, life, Observation, Opinions, Oscar the Grouch, Sexuality | 4 Comments »

Homosexuality : Fact of Nature or just plain ol’ Perversion…?

Posted by Madame on August 4, 2008

Homosexuality and what it means is a subject that has consumed me (yeah, I know…alot of subjects consume me 😀 )ever since I found out that my bestest friend in the whole wide world was gay! Strangely enough I was not repulsed or disgusted by it….it made me very, very curious though 😀 Why is it that society is so keen to condemn what seemed to me, a natural thing/act?

I like boys and He also likes boys 😉 Is Homosexuality wrong? Was it because of the bad rap it picked up when AIDS was first identified and publicised with the death of Hollywood legend, Rock Hudson and then later, Musical Genius- Freddie Mercury of Queen? AIDS=Homosexuality? Wait a minute….could religion have something to do with the general homophobic attitude towards homosexuality? So many questions swirled around in my head, I knew that I had to find the answers out for myself…study them and then make my own informed opinion on this subject…and NOT confine myself to a narrow-minded view.

Most major religions seem to deem Homosexuality as sinful… unnatural…. definitely going to burn in Hell and such. I have spent some time researching this subject before my attempt at blogging about it. The results were too confusing….too many conflicting theories and even research cases. Some scientists say that it is a genetic factor that is passed down thru the genes from maternal gay relatives. Some say, its because of the Hypothalamus….its size is similar in women and gay men. Some say its because of the pre-natal hormone make-up. Some others say that its due to environmental factors. Whilst others say….its PURE CRAP…homosexuality is a conscious choice! The Science behind Homosexuality is still in its infancy…so lets give the good scientists time to conduct more extensive research before they can come to a consensus and meanwhile, let me tell what I feel about the subject of Homosexuality.

For me, Homosexuality is NOT a conscious choice…atleast in the people who have a genuine homosexual orientation. This sexual orientation usually manifests itself around the age of 5, or so. I remember, my friend telling that the first time he developed a crush on another boy….he was just 7! At that tender age, children are quite free of any pre-conceived notions and so it felt ‘natural’ and ‘normal’ to him. It was only later during his pubescent years, that he realised that such feelings to members of the same sex isunnatural’, ‘sinful’ and ‘dirty’! Btw, this friend of mine has no gay relatives…or rather ones, in/out of the closet, either on his paternal or maternal side for the last 3 generations! This got me thinking…..a child of such tender years doesnt know the difference between homosexuality and heterosexuality….so what he felt must then be considered natural. He was pre-disposed towards homosexuality. Is that wrong then? I very empahtically say “NO”!!!

Do you think that a normally straight person would chose to be gay in our still very much homophobic society? I dont think so! They are NOT gluttons for punishment 😉 Is it easy being gay? Try living in ‘their’ shoes for one day and then perhaps you will understand a little more and learn to accept them fully for the people they are and NOT for their sexual orientation. Why is it so hard for us to accept a person’s sexual differences? I think that its because of the ‘forced indoctrination’ in us…whether it comes from our family, friends or religion.

I feel that its time to stop ‘shaming’ the gay society! Learn to accept gay people for who they are and for how they can enrich your lives. In short, accept gay people with no prejudices whatsoever! They are human and deserve the respect that every human being is entitled to! I, for one , do know that being straight has definitely NOT made me a better person than my gay best friend!

I leave you then with this question : Does being gay….make one, any less of a person???

Posted in Homophobia, madame, Observations, Sexuality | Tagged: , , , | 24 Comments »

TIPS FOR DUMB HUSBANDS

Posted by saggiethewarrior on August 4, 2008

This is in response to my dear stupendously gorgeous Madame, men do know how to treat the wives..they just need to consult me..

Chris Rock says, “Marriage is all about making a woman happy”. But he also said it is impossible to please a woman.

Now, if that is the case, then we husbands are doomed! Well not really, there is a way around it. Let me break it down to you how to work it…

Before you open the door after coming back from work, your head is already thinking about some loving later that night. The moment you open the door, she jumps at you and starts rambling about how bad her day was. How do you handle this? What do you do? What you should not do is roll your eyes and sigh out loud! The moment you do that, the whole night is screwed! What you should do is say to her in a nice way “tell me all about it after dinner ok, let me take my shower and dinner first”.

The objective here is to push forward the “issue” so far ahead until she doesn’t feel like talking about it anymore.

Now, during dinner and after dinner, DO NOT ask her anything, you do the talking instead. Talk about something good, something that makes her happy. She will feel better and glad you are there to “comfort” her without even talking about her lousy day. Believe me, she will then say the magic sentence we all like to hear…”are you coming to bed”…works every time boys…

What if she makes a mistake? What if she accidentally spills coffee on your expensive Armani suit? Don’t go screaming at her like a crazy baboon! What good can come out of that? Is your suit going to be magically cleaned? Calm down and listen to your Mr. Schlong…he is telling you something. Mr. Schlong knows this is a golden opportunity to get that special “meal deal” upsized. Mr. Schlong is thinking of that thing she rarely does to you, the super special foreplay. So just make that upset face and leave for work. You must make her feel upset rather than sorry. A sorry wife will eat ice cream and talk to her friends on the phone; an upset wife will shave her legs and wax her goldmine. Later that night, she will rub your back and say “Honey, about the suit, let me make it up to you”. Ehem..ehem..Mr. Schlong is going for a swim….

Now, what if you screw up? You did something terrible like calling her mama a fat old woman. How do you get out of this one? Don’t go out there and buy a bunch of flowers or an expensive perfume, she will take it that you are trying to bribe her. Call her mama instead and apologize to her. She will be very happy because you showed some kind of effort. Two words guys; make up sex…

What about us then, what if we have problems? Should we not share with them and get sympathy sex? No, we don’t because once you open that door they will jump straight in and share their problems with you. We don’t want that do we guys? So suck it up and keep it to yourself.

Last bit … weekend is very important. Women do not say this but they expect sex on weekends. Being moody creatures that they are, that expectation can turn into rejection if you don’t play your cards well. Entertain her on weekends, shopping malls, park, baby showers, Avon stockist; just do whatever she desires.

Weekends with the wife are like eating durians, its hard work but you know the reward is scrumptious.

Do all these and you will not have to knuckle shuffle in the toilet every now and then. You might say we end up like beggars; begging for sex. Well either this or you end up married and miserable! Or you can choose to be single and lonely!

I know what I want, what about you?

Posted in Saggie, Sexuality, Uncategorized | Tagged: , , , | 11 Comments »