All We Need Is Music!!!!!!!

I’m not sure whether it’s in our water or food, but our recent new leaders seem to have a fondness for spouting popular-sounding slogans and catchy phrases…..and they seem to think Malaysians are still quite so gullible to swallow every slogan, hook, line and sinker……..

And it seems their team of so-called PR experts have come up with some hare-brained idea on how to actually and finally make those catchy sounding slogans work and accepted.

Know why Badawi’s Islam Hadhari died such a horrible and pathetic death?

And why Najib’s “1Malaysia” will “potentially” be successful? *ahem ahem*

Well, other than the fact that it seems pretty obvious that Najib’s team is working overtime with many recent popular moves (such as the child conversion and 30% bumi equity) to ensure his concept doesn’t die in the same embarrassing manner as Badawi (regardless of how superficial the efforts seem), it seems that they’ve finally found the “secret ingredient”……….*drum roll*

Contest for 1Malaysia song

KUALA KLAWANG, 27 April 2009: The Information, Communication and Culture Ministry will launch a contest to identify the best composer for the 1Malaysia song.

Minister Datuk Seri Dr Rais Yatim said just like other songs that inculcate patriotism in their composition, especially songs like Budi Bahasa Budaya Kita and those that promote reading, the ministry also wanted the 1Malaysia song lyrics to attract listeners.

“God willing, I hope we can get a good response from composers and we hope to pick the best composition,” he told reporters after attending a dinner hosted by Kelab Rekreasi Warga Tua, Kuala Klawang here last night.

Dr Rais who is also Jelebu Member of Parliament said the song would represent all races.

The 1Malaysia song, to be in composed in Bahasa Malaysia, would be widely aired on all TV and radio stations according to Prime Minister Datuk Seri Najib Razak’s wishes.

-Bernama

YOU MEAN ALL THAT WAS MISSING WAS A THEME SONG!!!!????

Badawi must be slapping his forehead really hard 😛

Perhaps that is why our Malaysian National Service is so “well received” despite so many unneccesary deaths? Check out the “inspiring” music video that has gotten all our youths excited over National Service once again…….

http://www.khidmatnegara.gov.my/galleryvideo/plknVideo/belia.html

Reducing Unemployment : What UMNO Does With The “Un-Employables”….

Remember sometime last year, when our dear ole 2nd Finance Minister, Tan Sri Nor Mohamed assured the nation that the country’s unemployment would not go beyond 4% in year 2009?

As we all know, most of Nor Mohamed’s sugar coated predictions are to be taken with a pinch of salt.

So, it’s hardly a surprise when MIER (Malaysian Institute of Economy Research) came up recently with , I think, a more realistic assessment of the unemployment rate of 4.5%. In fact an economist Datuk Dr. Zainal Aznan Tusof predicted that the figure could very well go up to 6%. That’s definitely an alarming thought, since during the good times, unemployment rates were kept well below 3%.

With so many people being retrenched, what do you think our UMNO-led government is going to do?

With so many of them boasting about being graduates from Oxford, Cambridge, Hardknocks and Whatnots, it’s only fair that our expectations are high, no?

How utterly dissapointing it is to see the “brilliant” minds of our leaders coming up with such re-employment scheme!!!!

Wednesday February 11, 2009

Apologise or face daily demos, warns Umno Youth

KUALA LUMPUR: Umno Youth wants DAP national chairman Karpal Singh to drop any lawsuit against the Sultan of Perak or it will demonstrate outside his office in Jalan Pudu every day. (Demonstrate everyday!!!!??? Lu orang tak payah kerja ar!!!!??? )

“We want any action to bring the Sultan to court to cease immediately because it can jeopardise public security and Karpal Singh must ask for forgiveness from the Sultan,” said Serdang Umno Youth chief Ungku Mat Salleh.

They also called for the arrest of PKR de facto leader Datuk Seri Anwar Ibrahim and former Perak Mentri Besar Datuk Seri Mohammad Nizar Jamaluddin for not heeding the Sul­tan’s directive that the latter resign.

Some 50 Umno Youth members from Selangor and Federal Territory marched to Karpal Singh’s office yesterday. The demonstration stopped rush hour traffic around the busy Puduraya area.

Employing the "Un-Employables" : Working hard for the money.....

Employing the "Un-Employables" : We don't makan gaji buta, u know?

Demonstrate everyday!!!!???? These people don’t need to make a living meh? I must be mistaken because I assumed since times are bad, people should be working doubly hard to put food on their tables. Perhaps this sort of “occupation” pays handsomely……too bad I’m “over-qualified”  😛

But then again, this bunch of hooligans represent UMNO and we all know how UMNO takes care so absolutely lovingly of their “volunteers”, right? Be it the by-election, house-warming, ceramahs, visitation to some charity homes, there’s always the meal allowances, accomodation allowances, transportation allowances, exposure-to-hot-sun allowances, hooliganism allowances, and so on and so forth to look forward to, no?

And by the way, you UMNO goons really think we Malaysians forget soooo easily, don’t you?

If anyone needs to apologise to their Sultan for being rude and disrespectful, it should be the leaders of UMNO!! Remember this? Well, most of us still do…….so how?

22 Barisan Nasional (BN) state assemblymen led by the secretary of the State Umno Liaison Body, Datuk Rosol Wahid, who opposed the appointment of Ahmad as the Terengganu Menteri Besar in place of Datuk Seri Idris Jusoh, arrived at Istana Tetamu about 7.50 am to hand over the letter of protest on the appointment.

Rosol, who was not allowed to enter the palace, later handed over the letter to the Secretary of the Terengganu Regency Advisory Council, Shafie Ali.

When met by reporters, Rosol said the letter, among other tings, stated that all the 22 BN elected representatives fully supported the reppointment of Idris as the Menteri Besar and rejected Ahmad’s appointment as the new MB.

“Our support for Datuk Seri Idris is unanimous. There is no other person qualified to hold the Menteri Besar’s post apart from him (Idris),” Rosol said.

He said Ahmad’s appointment was invalid and hoped that those involved would take a serious view on the matter as it involved the interest of the people in the state.

He said if Ahmad were to proceed with his intention to take the oath of office as Menteri Besar, the Kijal Assemblyman would be violating the party rules and action could be taken against him, including expulsion from the party.

“That’s why we sent the letter of protest because Umno and BN secretary-general Datuk Seri Tengku Adnan Tengku Mansor had informed me last night that Ahmad would be contravening the Umno constitution should he take the oath of office,” he said.

Rosol said the protest letter had been sent to Ahmad and a copy to the Head of the MPPR.

Since the Terengganu BN won in the general election on March 8, winning 24 of the 32 State Assembly seats and seven of the eight parliamentary seats, the state government had functioned without a Menteri Besar.

On Saturday, Umno secretary-general Datuk Seri Tengku Adnan Tengku Mansor said disciplinary action could be taken against Ahmad if he were to accept the post of Terengganu Menteri Besar as he would be going against the instruction of the Prime Minister, Datuk Seri Abdullah Ahmad Badawi, who wanted Idris to remain as the MB.

Abdullah, who is also BN chairman and Umno president, had issued a letter nominating Idris as the Terengganu Menteri Besar.

Meanwhile, several supporters of Idris were seen gathering at the official resi

dence of the Menteri Besar at Seri Iman, here, to give their support to the Jertih Assemblyman to be reappointed as the MB for a second term.

(Excerpt from Bernama, 23 March 2008)

So.....who is "Natang"?

Any idea who these bunch of yo-yos are calling “NATANG”?

The Victorious Vile Leaping Toads…….

Remember these faces folks.......and let them have it kow-kow next election!!

Tell me you’re not feeling the same sort of distress when you saw this picture on the front page of our MSMs………

Well, I’m still nauseous from the sight of all the “ringgit-fed” vile fat faces, smilling triumphantly.

A friend wrote the following in hopes that more people will be aware of the seriousness of voicing our collective discontent now, has agreed to allow me to share with all you good folks…….

And after reading, do sign the Sultan’s guestbook. It may be too late to change the Tuanku’s mind for whatever decision he has made, but at least we’ve collectively voiced our outrage and dissapointment over the blatant unprincipled and corrupted practices of the current ruling coalition.

ALL MALAYSIANS, Please stand by our fellow Perak-ians: each and every one of us, regardless of religion, race, state, cultural and educational backgrounds stand to greatly loose out, not only on our rights and interests as citizens of Malaysia, but also our individual sense of self-respect and the consequently, the strength of our individual electoral votes in future.

Those politicians we voted for in Perak represent our utter dissatisfaction with the current government, and the fact that those in vile power can unjustifiably force their way into power with total disregard for the people’s collective votes and voice is a crime against our every Malaysian’s interests.

And, it does not change our unease and frustrations with filthy political figures who will blatantly show off their power to field unfair and underhanded manipulation of power for all to see, as if unashamedly urging the people to feel the threats of fears and resentment towards them… almost goading the people of Malaysia to succumb to unnecessary crime and violence.

That those politicians jumped ship does not mean that we would do the same: we will not jump away from our responsibilities and rights as citizens and we will not be manipulated by filthy politics, and especially not those led by a power greedy politician associated with foul and brutal murder.

It is not by chance that the opposition won the majority seats in the last election but the present events clearly demonstrate that it can only be by choice, and only freedom of choice that the opposition, any opposition at all, continues to win the hearts of every other Malaysian citizen who will never accept any person associated with murder to use whatever means possible to force their way into power, and with total disrespect and disregard for the rights and interests of the people.

As a people, at this time, who will say without shame that they will happily allow the vile powers of crime, corruption and disgraceful politics to triumph over us?

For all that we have enjoyed, we have also endured under the power of old, ineffective and irrelevant. It is clear: we do not want to continue on the path to filth and nothing will falter our determination to bring about a better, cleaner governing faculty clearly intent on genuinely protecting our interests, and that of our children.

Our faith in the system will be immensely weakened if the Sultan shows partiality to those in vile power: in consequence, the DYMM will be demonstrating an appalling favor for filthy politics and injustice against the voice of his people, and the people of Malaysia.

Our faith will be renewed if the DYMM listens to the voice of the people and share our struggles and concerns against those in vile power.

In any case, we need to do what we can to serve the majority and defend ourselves. We need to do what we can to stop being manipulated into working for deplorable and dishonorable politics.

We cannot quietly tolerate being misused by unrepentant politicians who will not understand that “no” means “NO” and continue to abuse and violate our interests, rights, morality and through their power over the media, even our thoughts.

We cannot allow ourselves to continue to be treated condescendingly, to continue to be undermined and manipulated into having faith in filth and lies intent on turning our differences against us. We truly need to defend our interests, and help protect the interests of our fellow Malaysians.

Please help strengthen the voice of every citizen of Perak and Malaysia, right now, to our DYMM SULTAN AZLAN to NOT ignore the fervent wishes of the people and initiate a state election, which the BN will NOT win.

For all that we know, from all the clearly foul tactics that they have used, the only supporters that BN holds in the state of Perak are those that they have either bribed, threatened and coerced. Now ask yourself: who would do better than any politician associated with brutal murder and foul political tactics?

My answer: anyone with a clear conscience, and a genuine concern for others.

SIGN DYMM SULTAN AZLAN’S GUESTBOOK HERE:

http://books.dreambook.com/duli/duli.html

– Jacq Soo.

 As for those who sold their souls for a couple of million ringgit, let it be known that you all have signed your political death sentence. Next election, our dissapointment and anger will be translated to our votes!!

Thirteen Things That’ll Make You LOL!

Here’s another something I received and enjoyed. Something to lighten up the mood in light of the depressing and ridiculous happenings in Malaysia of late! Enjoy readers. It made me laugh, hope it does the same for you! 🙂

1. A recent survey asked 100 sexually active men what they most enjoyed about a blow job.
99.9% of them said, ‘the 10 minutes of silence’!

2. Advantages of having an affair with a married woman? They give like hell. They do not yell.
They do not tell. They do not swell and there is no wedding bell.

3. Women have to be more beautiful than smart: Cause men see better than they think.

4. Woman’s Quote of the Day:
Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes and it’s our job to stomp on them and
keep them in the dark until they mature into something with which you’d like to have dinner with.

Men’s Counter-Quote of the Day:
Women are like fine wine. They all start out fresh, fruity and intoxicating to the mind and
then turn full-bodied with age until they go all sour and vinegary and give you a headache.

5. A woman once said that a man is like a deck of playing cards. You need:
a HEART to love him,
a DIAMOND to marry him,
a CLUB to smash his head in, and
a SPADE to bury him!

6. What’s the definition of a gynaecologist?
He is the only fool on the earth who looks for problems in a place where most other people find pleasure!

7. What is the similarity between a wife and a chewing gum?
Both are sweet in the beginning and become tasteless and shapeless later.

8. What is the strongest muscle?
The tongue. It can raise a woman’s hip with just one lick!

9. Why is the 69 position like driving in rush hour?
The arsehole is always in front of you.

10. What is the difference between a panty & a stage curtain?
When you pull down the stage curtain, the show is over.. but when you pull down the panties, it’s SHOWTIME!

11. A divorced man meets his ex-wife’s new husband at a party. Later after knocking back a few drinks,
he goes over to the new guy and asks him: So… how do you like using second hand stuff?
The new husband replied: It isn’t that bad. Past the first three inches, its all brand new.

12. A lady bought her ex a present for his birthday. He opened it and said, ‘What the hell do I want with a rocket?’
She said, ‘You wanted space.. now fly off!’

13. It’s funny how as we get older, our priorities change. The other morning I awoke to see my wife standing
beside the bed, dressed in very skimpy underwear and holding several pieces of velvet rope.
Tie me up and you can do anything you want, she purred. So I tied her up and went fishing.

  

  

The Battle Has Begun!!!! And Hopefully, It’s Not The Riots This Time!!

So, another UMNO fler has decided to jump on the bandwagon…perhaps he should have consulted his fellow racist bigot, the Toyol man himself about the effectiveness of gaining popularity through blogging propaganda crap (whether self or otherwise)…….after all Toyol’s blog has been receiving such “overwhelming” response that I can’t seem to locate the total number of hits todate on his blog…did he take it out?

(Bernama, 17 Sept 2008) Deputy Prime Minister Datuk Seri Najib Razak has launched his personal website www.1Malaysia.com.my today.

In statement issued by the deputy prime minister’s office, the website is intended to be a forum for all Malaysians to exchange views on important issues, promote common goals and highlight the nation’s unique diversity. (Who is he trying to kid!!!??? ROTFL!!!!)

Najib in the statement said he was concerned that certain quarters were seeking to drive wedges between Malaysia’s communities for political and personal gain and http://www.1Malaysia.com.my was intended as a portal through which the public could directly engage in open and honest dialogue with him. (Which “certain quarters” would you be referring to? Trying to play “memory loss” here Mr. DPM? Open and honest dialogue? Don’t think you can take it………)

“I do not believe in the politics of “deceive, divide and rule”. Returning to our long held belief in unity and mutual respect is more important now than ever,- he said. (Sure you don’t believe in that sort of politicis? How about your own keris-dipping-in-blood waving incident years ago and your countless endorsements of the racist statements by members of your very own party?)

He said the website was for all Malaysians and he encouraged those who rely on the Internet for information, communication and community to join this discussion. (When the name, email add, phone no, postcode, etc is required in the comment box, and the knowledge of your goons monitoring our IP addresses, just how many honest opinions would you be expecting? Especially after the way you guys merrily detain any civilian under ISA based on your whims and fancies?)

“As I work to update my skills, I will need your input and response to let me know how I am doing. The insight of the online community increasingly reflects what is important to Malaysians and I am eager to gain that perspective. (Didn’t you people write off the relevance of the blogging community just recently? Speaking with a forked tongue again?)

“I hope this website will initiate an open and vital dialogue, exploring our Malaysian identity, purpose and direction. As a father of two teenagers, I am both familiar with and resigned to heated debate and disagreement. (Hhhmmm…makes one wonder if our future PM can’t even win a debate with his teenage girls, and I don’t think it’s about national or worldy issues ya, how is he expected to command the respect of the nation?)”

Let’s proceed as the extended family we are. Let’s practise courtesy in our discourse and make understanding the primary goal of our interaction,” he said. (Still can’t believe he actually thinks anyone will be falling for this “We are A Happy Family” crap!!”

Najib also encouraged people to join him in defining Malaysia and the role Malaysians must play in its future. (Najib’s definition? We work like donkeys while they go golfing in Taiwan)”

Each of us, despite our differences, shares a desire for a better tomorrow.’ Each of us wants opportunity, respect, friendship, and understanding.’ Each one of us, in our unique way, is Malaysian. -Together, we are One Malaysia. I hope we will keep this conversation going,” said Najib. (Coming from someone who absolutely has no credibility or integrity left, this rings utterly HOLLOW!!!)

Isn’t it just infuriating that some people have such thick skulls that they have yet to accept the reasons behind the rakyat’s rejection of their leadership…they still think it’s the faults of the bloggers and the only way to stay in power is to “counter these cyber liars”. It has yet to dawn upon them that their policies laced with corruption, oppression, croynism, racism, etc are the reasons for them being hit with one “tsunami” after another….sigh……..

I have always wondered what the BN government will be doing to cling on to power and fight this takeover by Pakatan Rakyat and DSAI. To be honest, I know many of us were and are still worried about the possibility of chaos and riots being created, but I’d like to believe today’s Malaysians are no longer as naive as they were in yesteryears, where riots were easily sparked. If you’ve seen photos of the gathering in Kelana Jaya Stadium two days ago, you’d know what I mean, that majority of Malaysians no longer view each other with contempt and suspicion, what more to raise daggers at each other……which is, by the way, exclusively reserved for UMNO politicians.

Then, it dawned on me, that UMNO is most probably using the entire might of their MSMs to confuse the steadfast supporters of Anwar, and the blogosphere to turn the tablesI!!!! Smart but not smart enough my friends!!

So what made me come up with a conclusion like that? Check out what’s been going on since Anwar’s 2pm “916” press conference……..

Counter Attack 1

Last nite, right after DSAI’s press conference, I received an sms, which I believe a lot of Malaysians have received too, about DSAI being a con-man and that this cross-over scheme is all one big con job and the joke’s on us….all because Lim Guan Eng was quoted by Malaysiakini as saying that the 916 strategy was that of a “psychological war”. Hello, of course lah it’s psychologicall! We all know the strategy involved making them piss in their pants!! Don’t twist this into something that meant playing a joke on the rakyat.

Counter Attack 2

RTM had a late night program yesterday about DSAI’s press conference where they called on viewers to sms their thoughts and opinions. Needless to say, all the smses were critical of DSAI and very pro-BN…..well…duh!!! It’s RTM people!!!

Counter Attack 3

DPM launching his “We Care. We One Big Happy Family” website. Have checked it out, by the way, out of curiousity, as our DPM is not exactly known to be a writer or witty for that matter. At the moment, there’s nothing there except for a very rosy and glossy introduction to who the “great” man is. *Gag*

I’m sure there’ll be more coming out at us the next following days and like RPK, I pray that Anwar moves fast, as this country really needs to get back on track. We’ve been cursed with a non-performing government since Badawi took over and as confirmed by the man of the hour, Zaid Ibrahim, the PM has basically lost the control and respect of his ministers and party members….which basically explains why this ship is sinking.

Another Seventeen More!

Here’s something hilarious I received from a male friend recently I felt worthy of posting. It’s from the male’s perspective by the way. Considering how the spirit of Merdeka Day is in the doldrums , I’d like to spruce things up a bit in here 🙂 Enjoy, have a great laugh and a great Merdeka too (if you can) ;P

** Some of the jokes are a bit crude and may offend certain prudish parties. Apologies in advance if anyone is offended in the process. 😛 **

1. When I was born, I was given a choice – A big dick or a good memory.
I don’t remember, what I chose.

2. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.

3. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects.

4. Impotence: Nature’s way of saying ‘No hard feelings…’

5. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men –
‘don’t’ and ‘stop’, unless they are used together.

6. Panties: Not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on
earth.

7. There are three stages of sex in a man’s life: Tri Weekly, Try
Weekly, and Try Weakly.

8. Virginity can be cured.

9. Virginity is not dignity, its lack of opportunity.

10. Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good
partner, you’d better have a good hand.
;
11. I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dialer were too small.

12. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.

13. Q: What’s an Australian kiss?
A: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under.

14. A couple just married were happy with the ‘whole thing’. He was happy
with the ‘Hole’ and she was happy with the ‘Thing’……

15. Q: What are the three biggest tragedies in a man’s life?
A: Life sucks, job sucks, and the wife doesn’t.

16. Q: Why do men f ind it difficult to make eye contact?
A: Breasts don’t have eyes.

17. Despite the old saying, ‘Don’t take your troubles to bed’, many men
still sleep with their wives!!

A Patriot Who Will Not Stick Flags All Over Her Vehicle…..

This morning, as I was savouring the stillness and freshness of the morning air with a nice aromatic cup of coffee, as I usually do before preparing for work, a fleet of helicopters merrily roared their presence, disrupting that quiet time of mine, and in the process, woke my sleeping babies up.

“Oh yea lah……….Merdeka is this Sunday, hor!!”

For the past few days, folks in the Klang Valley have had to put up with the inconvenience of massive traffic jams caused mainly by the daily rehearsals, which picked up momentum since the beginning of the final week before the big day. The main stream media have been playing their part to the “T” with daily photos of the rehearsals and stories of patriotism, to pump up the anticipation and excitement.

So, why am I not at all excited? We’re 51 years old already leh.

Does that mean my patriotism is questionable, due to this lack of enthusiasm? How does one define a patriot, by the way?

I used to look forward to the celebrations every National Day, during my younger days, never failing to tune in to RTM, delightfully soaking in the festive mood of the occasion. This enthusiasm was perhaps fuelled by my participation in one of those parades when I was 16. But as I entered adulthood, promoted to motherhood soon after, that “innocence” diminished, replaced by cynicism.

Perhaps, it’s got to do with the effects of 51 years of mismanagement by the current ruling coalition and the bumbling way they handle the national issues, from social to the economy of this country. Simple issues, like the “bastardisation” of our original majestic composition of “NegaraKu” to some pop-wannabe tune, to more complicating stuff such as their refusal to quit racial politics, have left a very bitter taste in my mouth…..anyone else of the same sentiment?

While those who call themselves leaders of Malaysia continue to

– harp on special rights and privilages;

– shrug off the misuse of public funds and corruption;

– endorse thuggerish activities, SELECTIVELY;

– dish out stupid statements such as “Change Your Lifestyle” while they do the total opposite;

– divide and rule along racial and religious lines;

– exert their authoritarian style of governing to cling onto power,

ordinary folks like me continue to slog on, battling the rising cost of living with stagnant income, so that our kids are provided with decent education, food, clothing, roof over their heads and childhood memories to treasure when they grow up…..and that is only if National Service doesn’t rob them of their adulthood first, if you know what I mean.

But does that all make me less of a Malaysian?

I may not stick many little flags all over my car, don “Jalur Germilang”ed clothings and certainly not misinterpret loyalty to country equals to loyalty to the ruling party, but the passion and will to see this nation and her people move forward, with good governance and the refusal to prejudicially judge a fellow Malaysian because of colour or religion, certainly would qualify me as a Patriotic Malaysian, don’t you think?

Now that the voters have pulled yet another “political tsunami” on the ruling coalition, with the recent landslide victory of our new Opposition Leader, scaring the shit out of those goons who have been holding on to the nation’s coffers for far too long, perhaps there comes now that much awaited light at the end of tunnel (however cheesy it may sound :-p).

And perhaps, in due course, the enthusiasm to experience the true meaning of Merdeka will re-emerge………until then, August 31st will just be but another public holiday (and the birthday of a dear dear friend J)

KJ: My Curriculum Vitae, Desperately Looking For A New Job

RESUME

Personal Details:

Full Name: Khairy Jamaluddin Abu Bakar
Age: 32 years old
Date of Birth: January 10, 1976
Place of Birth: Kuwait City, Kuwait
Language spoken: English and Malay

Education Background:

Tertiary education:
1. Master’s degree in Legal and Political Theory from University College London (UCL), United Kingdom
Bachelor’s degree in Philosophy, Politics and Economics (PPE) from Oxford University, United Kingdom

Secondary education:
2. United World College of South East Asia, Singapore

Employment Experiences:

1. Journalist

2. Talk show presenter – Dateline Malaysia

3. Writer for The Economist

4. Special Officer for Deputy Prime Minister of Malaysia Abdullah Ahmad Badawi

5. Deputy Principal Private Secretary for Abdullah Ahmad Badawi

6. Son in Law of Prime Minister of Malaysia, Abdullah Ahmad Badawi

7. Investment banker

8. Deputy President of the Football Association of Malaysia (FAM)

9. Deputy  Chief of UMNO Youth

I am writing this resume to prepare myself for the worse. I may be jobless after that traitor Anwar Ibrahim make good of his promise to take over the government this coming Sept 16th. I may need to quit my Deputy Chief of UMNO Youth and my powerful father in law no longer can provide for me. Damn Anwar Ibrahim!!

I should not make that stupid statement at the Permatang Pauh ceramah that day. What I was thinking saying we are here to bury Anwar’s political career and challenging Anwar Ibrahim to  resign as PKR adviser if he failed to become prime minister by Sept 16. I should just stop and that and not saying I would quit as Umno Youth deputy chief. Damn my smelly mouth!!

I am jobless after selling my shares in ECM Libra Avenue Bhd in 2006. Hey! I sold it at 65 sen per share, 6 sen cheaper from the price I bought at 71 sen, so I actually loss a lot of money! I only made less than RM 7 million after selling all my shares. What rich? I borrowed the money to fund my RM9.2 million shares, sold it for RM7 million  so I actually lost RM2 million okay! Damn that old man Lim Kit Siang, simply say I am the richest unemployed man!!

Luckily my father in law is a good and generous to me and thank God I am the Deputy Chief for UMNO Youth, I still can ‘cari makan’ as the Malays say. For quite some time I am depending on my father in law to pay off my cars, traffic summonses and my 2 iPhones. I am quite embarrassed to depend on him, but what I can do?  You see I have three cars with number plats KJ10Q, WNA13 and WMT8001. The car number plates itself also cost more than the car, you know! Damn the cars!!

I bought 2 iPhones and signed up for the AT&T’s 2 years contract, which is available for USD$60, $80 and $100 per month. I am the Prime Minister son in law, you cannot expect me to buy unlocked iPhone at Lowyat Plaza right? You do the math, cheapest plan still cost me USD1440 per year and I have 2 iPhones. I need to pay for the exorbitant roaming charges some more. Sigh!I shouldn’t buy those phones when I was away vacationing at the States for weeks. Damn the iPhone! Damn Steve Ballmer!! Damn Steve Jobs!!

I need to raise my family. I really need to prepare for the worst.  have listed some of the cool jobs I think I can do best judging from my past experience.  Help me make my decision.

1. Tukang karut in a dikir barat group – I can gather some of the my good friends: Nazri, Badruddin, Najib, Ali Rustam, Samyvellu, Ezam Mohd Nor, Bung Moktar, Pandikar Amin and form a dikir barat group! I am so good at ‘mengarut’, being a tukang karut should not be problem.

2. Lead singer in boria – I have a thing with boria. I join UMNO because I love the boria atmosphere.

3. Start a boy band with Jason Lo, my best friend! – We did MyTeam together, why don’t we start a new boy band to rival Too Phat?

4. A tele marketeer – I have no idea why I think of this job. Wait I heard tele marketeer need to bullshit a lot, I think I can handle that. I cannot make much money from it though. Skip this.

5. Go to Texas and become bull auctioneer – I have a loud voice. I love animals. I can connect with them.  Wait, George Bush is from Texas. I hate the bugger. Skip this.

6. Replace AC Mizal as host in AF – I hosted a talk show before. I think I am way more good looking than AC Mizal. I can make good jokes too.

7. AF contestant (since AF taking contestants up to 45 yrs of age) – I love AF. Damn Mawi! He is so famous now. Ali Cafe, Mamee, Poweroot, Hotlink ads all got his face. I also want to be famous. Wait, I am already famous! HAHAHA! Skip this.

8. Gigolo. – Those lecherous white/Japanese girls love beach boys. I am so tanned and good looking. I can speak with accent which they love. But KJ the Gigolo does not sound quite appealing. Skip this.

9. Start one more boutique selling bra and panties – I already have one at Pavilion KL. Well it’s belong to my wife, so it’s belong to me as well. Then again, it is a bit sissy for me selling bras and panties. Skip this.

10. Join Raja Lawak competition – I had told many funny jokes and people love it! I see many stupid bloggers quoting my jokes without paying royalties to me, damn!!

After much consideration, I reflected on my past achievements in politics, hosting political shows, handling public relations events and all that I have done in the past, I think I have failed miserably. UMNO is now at all time low on the pop charts. I do not want to go down the same path again.

I do not know much words apart from “lawan tetap lawan, kuburkan, liwat, pengkhianat bangsa” so I doubt I can be a good political orator. I made so many enemies, there is no one left for me to interview anyway. If they are seen to be too friendly with me, I may cause their shares to drop for the public may hate them.

I cannot sing that well either, so I do not want to do all those tukang karut, boria, AF, boy band stuff.

I think I should try my luck on the Raja Lawak competition. What do you think?

ps: Love this post? FAVE IT!